The "Trust Bank": Are You Making Deposits or Withdrawals?

We often talk about trust as if it’s a switch: either it’s on or it’s off. But in a real relationship, trust is more like a shared bank account. Every day, your actions are either making small deposits or small withdrawals. When the balance is high, your relationship feels secure and resilient. When it's low, everything feels fragile.

The good news is, you are the banker. You have the power to grow that balance every single day. Trust isn't built in grand, heroic gestures; it's built in the small, consistent habits of reliability and care. Here are the three most important "deposits" you can make.

3 Daily Deposits for a High-Trust Relationship

1. The Deposit of Small Promises

The foundation of trust is built on keeping your word. When you say, "I'll take out the trash after dinner," and you do it without being reminded, that’s a deposit. When you say, "I'll call you back in five minutes," and your phone rings in five minutes, that’s a deposit.

These small acts create a pattern of predictability and safety. Your partner’s nervous system learns that your words have meaning. When you are reliable in the small things, it makes it much easier for them to trust you with the big things—their feelings, their fears, and their heart.

2. The Deposit of Emotional Attunement

This deposit happens when your partner is sharing something, and you turn towards them instead of away. Imagine your partner comes home and says, "I had the most frustrating day."

• A **withdrawal** is half-listening while you scroll on your phone.
• A **deposit** is putting the phone down, making eye contact, and saying, "Wow, that sounds exhausting. Tell me what happened."

Every time you do this, you make a huge deposit. You are showing them, through your actions, that they can bring their authentic, messy, emotional selves to you and they will be met with care, not judgment.

3. The Deposit of Proactive Transparency

This is not just about not lying; it’s about actively and willingly sharing information. Secrets, even small ones, are withdrawals. Transparency creates security.

This might look like saying, "Hey, just so you know, I ran into my ex at the coffee shop today. We said a quick hello and that was it." You’re not sharing this because you did anything wrong; you’re sharing it because you want your partner to hear it from you. You are proactively closing the door on any potential for misunderstanding or suspicion.

Building Your Emotional Wealth

Your Trust Bank account is the most valuable asset your relationship has. Making these small, consistent deposits over time will build a reserve of trust so strong that it will not only help you survive the inevitable hard times, but it will allow your relationship to truly flourish.

Our 14-Day Emotional Reconnection Challenge is designed to help you practice making these kinds of positive deposits every single day, rebuilding your emotional wealth as a couple.